You Don't Have to Have It All Figured Out!
Updated: Jan 12, 2019
By Chloe | @Fibro_Chlo | January 12, 2019
I think one of the biggest problems we have and one of the biggest contributors to anxiety is the feeling that we have to have it all figured out. We feel like we can't be happy unless we know exactly what the next steps are, or what our big plan is, what our purpose is, what's going to happen weeks, months or even years down the line. Then not surprisingly we feel uneasy or unsettled when we don't know what's going to happen.
We've been programmed from a young age to think 'what do I want to be when I grow up?', we feel like we have to have an answer, and if we don't then that's not okay, we can't change our minds, and if we do then we're non-committal. We're taught to have goals, and to set weekly, monthly, yearly plans - 3-year plans, 5-year plans, and that's great and I'm definitely not taking away from how important that is. But life is unpredictable and we can't avoid the unavoidable.
So, when things happen that are out of your control, you have to roll with the punches, make the best out of every situation. Enjoy and learn from every experience - good and bad. Let life take its course. When you give up that need for control, and trust that everything happens for a reason, and that everything that is meant to come in to your life, will. You can enjoy the roller coaster that is life's journey a lot easier.
I'm not saying it's an easy thing to do, but it's definitely something to work on. I'm so glad I've realized this recently as it has definitely helped me to acknowledge where my anxiety is coming from at the moment. There's a lot going on at once and a lot of change as well as unknowns - I won't bore you with what they are - but we all go through the same things. Especially when life hits you with a chronic illness - life changes on a whole other level and the unknowns grow to a greater extent. On top of this we all know that the rest of life doesn't stop happening, so there's always going to be more things added into the mix you have to deal with. It's okay to not know what you want to do, it's okay to not know how you feel, it's okay to not have it all figured out, to not know what the next step is or what the future holds.
I still greatly believe we are the masters of our own destiny, and we can do anything we put our minds to, but sometimes you have to accept that things might not work out exactly as we want them too. We might have to deviate from the plan a little, accept changes, work new things into the plan, you can definitely still get to wherever it is you want to go, it might just take a little longer, the path might not be as smooth as you had hoped. It doesn't make it easy, but it does help to accept that that's life and you can still go on living, even if you don't have the answers to 'how? what? Or when?' straight away.
When you feel lost, like you don't know what you’re doing; what's going on in your life; how you feel about it or how you feel in general, remember to slow things down and try to sit and reconnect with yourself. Whether it’s having a cup of tea in silence, reading a book, going for a gentle stroll or whatever it might be for you that calms you down and helps you to re centre. Mindfulness and most importantly meditation are a great way to allow yourself to find answers by getting to a stage of relaxation where the thoughts can flow freely without being forced or judged.
Meditation is not about having a clear mind, it’s a passive thing, so it means that you allow whatever comes into your mind to flow through without influence. When you get to a certain point of relaxation, your mind is able to problem solve, and if you need answers to problems, this is where you will find them. You cannot solve problems when you are stressed and over thinking, you have to remove yourself and allow your subconscious time to process. Remaining mindful of what you are doing also helps to slow down the overthinking and allows you to enjoy more fully what you are doing in that moment and help you realise you dont have to have it all figured out.
Everything will work out in the end, you just have to trust the process.
Chloe has suffered with IBS and Anxiety for 10+ years. She was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia in October 2016 after a two year journey to diagnosis with deteriorating symptoms. Chloe now dedicates her time to raising awareness for chronic illnesses, personal development, maintaining a positive attitude and helping to motivate others to stay positive and to fight to live their lives despite their illness/es. She has a passion for travel and is determined not to let her condition take this away from her (even if I can’t do much when I get there!).
Ig, facebook & twitter: @Fibro_Chlo