• chronicloveclub

Why I’m Grateful for My Pain Condition

By Alice | @Alices_Orbit | July 18, 2018

Why I’m Grateful for My Pain Condition

For a decade now I have seen you as a burden to my life. Something to be ashamed of and something that makes me less of a person. I have seen myself as a broken doll, something that should be thrown away and useless to anyone else. I have struggled with seeing purpose in life and have struggled through everyday living. You have prevented me from doing things I love, like swimming, taking the dog for a walk and even making a cup of tea. I have sacrificed a large part of my life to accommodate for you and I never saw why this was thrust upon me for no apparent reason.

I see it now. 

CRPS, you have given me adversity and strength. You have moulded me into a person who can deal with high amounts of stress (maybe not with grace) but with a will to keep going. You have given me a place to explore new opportunities and have allowed me to find new ways of living with you. I would never have thought that I could be an artist or a writer. I never would have thought that I could have coped with a family break-up or A levels. I never would have found my passion for climate change and caring for something so much bigger than myself. You have given me a will to live in a world that understands that life definitely isn't perfect and that most people who live on this planet will face adversity, and if they need strength, I have a lot of it.

People may not understand that living with you is pretty difficult. It's invisible so how bad can it be? If there's nothing physically wrong with you then why don't you just get better? But it doesn't work like that.

You can't class yourself as having a mental health condition or a physical condition. You kind of have both. CRPS you have given me a uniqueness, something that will set me apart from everyone else. Yes, it's not a nice unique point. But it gives me something to fight for, it has given me a place to help people who don't suffer with CRPS to make others aware that conditions like CRPS exist. Just because we don't look disabled, doesn't mean we don't hurt.

For 10 years, you have played a role in how I live my life. You have sculpted me into the strong, passionate and unique person that I am today. For that, I am eternally grateful.

I hope that I can continue to live with you, understanding that struggle comes with life. Life isn't made of happiness. Life isn't supposed to be easy. Living with CRPS has shown me that finding light in your darkness is essential to make yourself into the best version of you.

It's what you do with your adversity is what defines you, not your adversity itself.

Alice is a 19 year old Geology student who lives in Buckinghamshire. She suffers from Complex Regional Pain Syndrome and has been for 10 years. This doesn’t stop her from swimming, weightlifting and doing yoga while also teaching swimming. Her blog promotes wellbeing and a concern for climate change.

By Alice

Instagram: @alices_orbit


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