Derek's Top 3 Ways of Dealing with Rejection
Updated: Apr 30, 2018
By Derek | @derekxbones00 | April 27, 2018
Derek's Top 3 Ways of Dealing with Rejection
Before my two chronic illnesses decided to make a wonderful (that was sarcasm) and unexpected entrance in my life, I never really knew how to deal with rejection. I'd either lose my sh*t on friends and family or I'd stash internal chaos away until I had a level 10 meltdown. Unfortunately, over the years, I found out the hard way that both of these options are terribly unhealthy.
As my meltdowns became more frequent during my medical investigations, I decided it was time to do a little soul work. I dedicated my weekends to the self-help section (instead of the bars) at my local Chapters Bookstore and picked up every book that had the word "self-help" in the title or description. By learning new ways of looking at the negatives in my life, I've been able to handle more of the unexpected with a bit more grace and understanding - something I'm very proud of!
Maybe these suggestions will help you handle your next rejection or unexpected change in your life!
Looking on the “bright side of life:" When I'm faced with the "unexpected" in life, remembering the GOOD (maybe it's your loving partner, your friends, your pet, your house, your career, your children ... food, shelter) things that I DO have helps redirect my attention from the stress at hand. Try to think about the supportive and beautiful things that are still in your life. I'm sure each of us has something to be grateful for no matter what is happening. Positive thinking not only shifts our mindset to something other than the negatives, it also affects our health in an extremely beneficial way.
Change is inevitable: I haven't stopped being the Grand Optimist (yes, that’s a City and Colour reference) in life, but I've definitely learned to appreciate the changes in my life - whether I initially resist them or not. Letting go of what my ego thinks it should have has given me more peace of mind. There's a popular quote out there that reminds us that we may not always get what want, but we will ALWAYS get what we need. How FREAKING TRUE IS THAT!?! The faster we're able to let go of things, people and situations, the quicker we're able to realize why a particular change was orchestrated. It's a beautiful thing to look back on your life and say "ah ha!, that's why X,Y or Z had to happen for me to get HERE." Learn to let go!
Don’t take it personally: When it comes to situations that are out of my control, I try not take things so personally. I was terrible at this in the past because I was very keen on blaming myself for every rejection that took place. During the time that I spent searching for my first diagnosis, I felt rejected by the medical community. In fact, I felt rejected by the world - relationships included. Dating with a chronic illness is not all lollipops and rainbows, let me tell you! More on that later!
I felt my heart break every time a doctor blew me off and called me anxious, stressed, or depressed. I even had friends who questioned my health status and complaints. I took EVERYTHING so damn personally. I'm here to tell you that you shouldn't be so hard on yourself. Most of the time, people act a certain way because of their own level of maturity or awareness; It's not YOUR fault.
When it comes to medical rejections, the doctors who couldn't help me out were only doing what they were trained to do: test and interpret results based on their speciality. They're not - all - magicians who can look into a crystal ball and come up with an immediate diagnosis. I wish they could, though! Looking back on these past 11 years has reminded me that each doctor played a significant part in my journey. Some of the doctors who let me go ended up referring me to other doctors who later sent me to other, more specialized doctors. I crossed off tests and treatments until finally, I met the most amazing immunologist in the world. When one door closes in life ... well, you know what happens, right? Another door WILL open. Trust the process. Trust your journey. Keep opening those doors and don't worry about how many have, or will close. Keep knockin'!
These mental exercises won't turn you into a mystical guru overnight, but with a little practice - and patience - they can help ease the transition from the old to the new. I've come to admire the way I deal with rejection or any crappy situation that isn't in my favour (for the short term). In the end, I really believe that everything is happening exactly how it should be happening at the exact moment in time - for your own spiritual progress.
Derek was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called Neuromytonia - or Isaac’s Syndrome - in 2008, at McMaster Hospital in Ontario, Canada. After hunting for a second diagnosis since 2012, Derek and this team of specialists have decided to try a drug called Kineret for a potential autoinflammatory disorder. He devotes his time and energy to his family, friends, and the chronic illness community. The creation of @chronicloveclub with Michelle has been one of the most humbling and inspiring projects he's been apart of.