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Derek's Top 3 Ways of Dealing with Conflict

By Derek | @derekxbones00 | May 31, 2018

Derek's Top 3 Ways of Dealing with Conflict

By Derek

Friendships and relationships are not always smooth sailing. Sometimes conflicts occur and feelings are hurt. When conflicts do arise, can you work through the problem in a constructive manner?

Before I took the time to work on myself, I was terrible at dealing with personal conflicts. I was either blindly causing it (without having the b*lls to step up and work through it) or I was cutting people out my life because they "disrespected me." Thanks to a few dozen books and a few years of dealing with my ego, I've finally learned how to better approach conflict ... and it's paid off immensely.

Here are a few tips that I like to consider before hurling fireballs and level 6 wizard spells at my "opponents."

Time out: Sometimes, in the heat of the moment, anger will get the best of us. We say things we don’t mean and as a result, connections become fragmented ... or even lost. Before you hit the red alert button or fly off the rails, step away from an argument (for a few minutes or longer) and think about your response. I sometimes like to type out my response and look it over once the dust has settled. A little time in between the situation and your response can help downshift the ego from threat level "midnight," to threat level "fairy dust." By doing this, you can ensure that whatever you choose to say or do will come from your most authentic self.

Step-up: If you’ve just crashed and burned in any type of relationship, take action as soon as possible. Life is really, really short. Don’t wait forever to apologize because you just never know what tomorrow will bring. My first order of business when I mess up: forgive myself. I'm not perfect, and neither is anyone else. I don't easily brush off what I've done, but instead of forever blaming myself, I forgive my ignorance and then work hard to correct my behaviour. Whatever you need to do to fix the situation, do it, and then move on. We can't always heal what we've done, but we can try - genuinely. Just remember that apologizing isn’t a sign of weakness. I believe it takes real courage to step up and admit the truth.

Forgiveness: Regardless of the situation, I try to forgive people immediately. People react and act based on their current level of stress, happiness, and life situations. You just never know what people are going through, right? Forgiving others doesn't make their actions any less appropriate. I choose to forgive because it unchains me from their negative energy. I feel released when I choose forgiveness over "payback." That kind of energy is not worth it. If the behaviour continues and they can’t take responsibility for their actions, then maybe it’s best to walk away ... permanently. Not everyone you meet is meant to cross the finish line with you. If you do move on, just make sure you're not carrying any negative baggage forward.

How people treat you is their karma; how you react is yours ~Wayne Dyer

By Derek

Ig: @derekxbones00

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